An Apple Christmas Carol For Tim Cook

An Apple Christmas Carol For Tim Cook

Dear Tim Cook,

An Apple Christmas Carol for Tim Cook.

War Eagle! That was some Auburn-Alabama game, wasn’t it? Unfortunately, that’s not my reason for writing. If you recall from Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, I warn you these six years ago, instead of seven, Steve Jobs must be about to pay you a visit and warn you about what is happening with Apple.

You see, I’m now an iPhone X owner, and I’m trying to teach my three daughters ages, 20, 18 and 18 that’s not an X as in X, Y, Z, but a 10, but I digress.

With this phone and iOS 11.2—I think that’s where we are this week, there’ve been so many updates since iOS 11 came out it’s hard to keep up—the chances are great that the ghost of Jacob Marley/Steve Jobs cannot be far from visiting you.

Once upon a time at Apple the entire premise of everything was to make a product “intuitive.” In fact, nothing shipped if it wasn’t simple to use. When the iPhone was first introduced, babies could open iTunes and start a movie on their own.

That is no longer the case with iOS 11.2. Now I’m sure after more than a week’s time with my iPhone X I’ll get more and more used to some of its features, but I dare say the days of things being intuitive are gone. The iPhone/iPad is no longer a simple tool to operate—and from his grave, I honestly believe that is going to stir the Ghost of Steve Jobs at some point to pay you a visit and in as harrowing voice as possible he is going to demand of you and the engineers at Apple in an all too familiar voice—WHAT IN THE FU#K ARE YOU DOING?!

When iPhone X was announced, it was said that Face ID was good for one in a million faces. I remind you that on a planet with 7 billion people, that leaves 7,000 people who can unlock a person’s phone. Indeed, my identical twins can unlock each other’s phones—so the feature offers them little privacy from each other.

I miss the larger size from the 6S Plus I had. I’ve yet to figure out the camera, though as a filmmaker I look forward to using it—but it’s not intuitive.

I have absolutely no interest in the animoji nonsense. That’s honestly a big selling point? Being able to turn one’s face into a pile of animated poop?

As a father I’m worried about the glass screen on the back being turned into what we in our family have come to call “Apple Sauce.” That’s shattered glass on an iPhone. That was a horrible experience before and the prospect of having it on a $1,000 phone is puckering. Did I mention the twins got iPhone Xs, too? They’re 18 now, but when they had the earlier ones, those turned to Apple Sauce in no time and then they wanted me to rush off and get them new phones, and with the $1,000 price tag this time, like last, that’s not exactly feasible.

The Augmented Reality is something I can see has a future. I make interactive books for the iPad. I want to make books for World Wonders sites so that when you go visit an amazing historic site on earth, you can hold your phone up to it and see what it most likely looked like 3,000 years ago when our ancestors were building it or living there. That has great promise and potential, and so I applaud the work being done here and would love to work with Apple more in this area.

But the points above have me worried, and like I said, I think the emphasis on the simple nature that once made Apple products easy to use has been lost over the past few years.

So if in the coming nights between now and December 25, 2017-18 you see the likes of Jacob Marley coming to life as Steve Jobs, don’t be surprised. And please don’t dismiss this warning either like Nick Saban did with Auburn taunts that we were going to beat them this year—you know, with a “Humbug.”

I do not own any Microsuck products. I’m all Apple just like I’m all Auburn. But it’s getting harder and harder to do what was once very simple to do—do something intuitive with an Apple product.

God bless us one and all, Merry Christmas, and War Eagle, Tim.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *